You’ll no doubt have others to add to the list, but here are our Top 10 Most Annoying Golf Partners based on years of casual research and observation…

The 10 Most Annoying Golf Partners

You’ll no doubt have others to add to the list, but here are our Top 10 Most Annoying Golf Partners based on years of casual research and observation…

1. Mr ‘I’m not always this bad’

One poor shot, and he’s off. “I don’t know where that came from; that’s not my shot at all; I’m not normally this bad – I played really well a couple of days ago…”

Yes we know from the handicap on your card you’re not always this bad, unless it’s fabricated, hopelessly out of date or artificially maintained to make your feel better about yourself.

 2. The coin or tee jangler

Whether on the tee or as you’re steadying yourself over a crucial four-footer, there he is, jangling away, usually absent-mindedly, but just occasionally on the gamesmanship trail.

Either way, it’s just as annoying, and hard to shut out once it’s got under your skin.

3. The incessant talker

 

Jack: "I don't want to talk today, Lee." Lee: "That's alright, Jack. You don't have to talk; you just have to listen!"

Jack: “I don’t want to talk today, Lee.” Lee: “That’s OK, Jack. You don’t have to talk; you just have to listen!”

We like a bit of banter on the course, but when it’s non-stop even when you’re trying to think or preparing to hit, it all gets a bit tiresome.

Again, like the coin jangler, once the incessant talker has got under your skin, it can derail your whole round.

4. The monosyllabic youth

Okay, a bit ageist, but getting drawn with the deluded teenager who thinks he’s the next Rory is a recipe for four hours of misery.

He’s so focused on his game that he hasn’t got the slightest inclination to communicate in any way, shape or form.

The only saving grace is that after compiling a 91 that he just can’t comprehend, there’ll be the briefest of insincere handshakes and a mumbled apology about needing to get straight off.

Continues below

5. Mr Angry

 

It's never much fun for others when someone 'loses it' on the course

It’s never much fun for others when someone ‘loses it’ on the course

Playing with someone who erupts at the first sign of a poor shot or bad break guarantees a very long round in which you’re constantly on edge, and always on a self-preserving look-out for low-flying clubs.

Usually stems from them not being as good as they think they are.

6. The tortoise

The golfing tortoise is one of the modern game's greatest curses

The golfing tortoise is one of the modern game’s greatest curses

We live in tortuous slow play times, but if you’re the one constantly trying to gee people along, it tends to be your game that suffers rather than theirs as you’re forever anxiously looking over your shoulder to see how badly the course is stacking up behind you.

7. The hare

Golf is a game not a race, but trying telling the golfing hare that.

Golf is a game not a race, but trying telling the golfing hare that.

As annoying as the tortoise is, the hare can be just as bad.

“Should be round in well under three hours today,” is his opening gambit, after which he’ll be off like a hare out of the traps the moment your ball has come off the clubface, more concerned about catching and getting through the group ahead than actually playing golf.

8. Mr ‘doom and gloom’

10 most annoying golf partners

“I hate the game – can’t break 100 at the moment and I’m thinking about selling the clubs and giving up my membership,” says Mr ‘doom and gloom’ as he reaches out to shake your hand on the 1st tee.

“Don’t know why I keep putting myself through it.” Neither do we, Mr D&G, neither do we…

9. Mr ‘been there, done it’

 

Beware of Mr 'been there, done that'

Beware of Mr ‘been there, done that’

He’s always a marshal at The Open; he’s shaken hands and chatted to Tiger, Ernie and everyone; he’s played at Loch Lomond, Pebble Beach and everywhere; he’s been invited to Augusta National by someone he once met.

And you’ve had enough before you even get to the 2nd tee… only 17 more holes to go. Aarrgghh!

10. The Rules pedant

“I think I overheard you saying to George to keep his chin up and keep trying after that last tee shot,” says the Rules pedant, the last of our most annoying golf partners.

“I believe that constitutes advice and therefore breaches Rule 8-1.”

Cue four hours of fun where you’re afraid to open your mouth and feel compelled to tread on eggshells anywhere near your ball.

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  • John W. Matney

    I may be guilty of # 3 because, I tend to chatter when I get nervous.