The tell-tale signs that you are a true golf fanatic


You know you’re a golfer when….

… you think it is perfectly normal to use the dishwasher to clean your practice balls

… when looking at a new carpet all you can think is how suitable it will be for practising your putting on

Here are some indoor tips from John Jacobs


… you can absent-mindedly practise your golf swing at any moment that you are standing up – waiting for the kettle to boil or for the lift, in a meeting with your boss, at a funeral

…you have a deep tan on your left arm which starts below the shirt sleeve line and ends abruptly at the wrist

… you think it perfectly normal when giving directions to say things such as ‘about a 5-iron from there take a left turn’

… every pair of trousers you own has either tees or a ball marker, or both, in the pockets

… you can never bear to throw an old club away

… when choosing a new car the most important thing is whether the boot is large enough to fit your golf bag

… you think all those players’ wives in the white boiler suits at the Masters par 3 tournament look sexy, and fantasise what your wife would look like in one

… you cannot see a stretch of rolling landscape without wondering what kind of golf course you might be able to design over it

… you can’t look at a somewhere, such as the building across the way from your office, without wondering what club you’d need to use to land a ball on it

… you think everyone else enjoys your blow-by-blow accounts of your round as much as you do (don’t worry – they do, promise)

… your wife won’t let you include Seve as one of your first-born’s names, but you get her to agree to Nicholas and you spell it Nicklaus on the birth certificate.