Do you think Ian Poulter is desperate to make it into the Ryder Cup team?

After a late double bogey at the WGC Bridgestone Invitational last Sunday had dropped him down the leaderboard, Poulter was all too aware of the Ryder Cup points he had just let slip through his fingers. A tour insider deep throat secret undercover mole source (okay, a chap I met in the hotel bar last night) told me what he heard Poulter say after walking off the back of the 18th green.

Small children and people of a nervous disposition, please look away know: “F***, f***, f***, f***, f***.” A quite impressive tirade from a passionate and emotional guy. But Poulter still has some work to do to challenge Hugh Grant on the F***ometer. In Four Weddings and a Funeral, the floppy haired fop (as opposed to the spiky haired Bridgestone flop) and his co-stars uttered the F-word 42 times. I counted. Okay, I googled.

But Four Weddings is only ranked 80th in the list of movies that fully embrace the beauty and the power of the F-word. The Olympic gold medal goes to Gary Oldman’s BAFTA-winning Nil by Mouth, which uses the F-word 470 times in 128 minutes. That’s 3.76 times per minute. Now that’s an effing lot of effing.

Speaking of which, I’d better eff off and see how the early groups are fairing out there on Oakland Hill’s Monster course. It’s effing hard, apparently (that’s enough F-word – Ed)