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Special bets for golf enthusiasts

Friday, 5 September 2008
Michael Weston
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The Pink Poulter

Few things in life are certain. That said, our very own tipster Paul Krishnamurty has been back to form recently – most notably giving punters the heads-up on Darren Clarke for the KLM Open last month.

But if you didn’t fill your boots on that one, we believe there are still a few certainties at this year’s clash. Keep your eye out for the following:

Like buying money…

1. The commentary team to make somewhere between 500 and 1000 references to the words “team spirit” over the course of the three days. Not sure how you’d monitor this though.
2. Azinger to say something totally unnecessary and quite possibly offensive only to later apologise and utter the words “heat of the moment.”
3. Storms storms storms. Maybe not of Hurricane Gustav’s magnitude but sufficient to suspend play and further spoil our wet summer. Cue Ryder Cup highlights.
4. At least 20 Tim Henman-type fist pumps from colourful Spaniard Sergio Garcia….. on day one.
5. No aces on the par-4s or 5s despite persistent shouts of “Gedd in da hole”.

Worth considering…

1. Ian Poulter abandons the team colours to don an even more outrageous set of slacks - possibly pink.
2. Faldo to pair Poulter with Casey on Friday (all day)… Saturday (all day) and then send them out first in the singles – to prove a point.
3. George Bush to drop by for a chat with Azinger before menacingly instructing everyone, including journalists and spectators to “Watch this drive.” Pop onto youtube.com if you’re not understanding that. It is well worth viewing.
4. Hunter Mahan calling Cristiano Ronaldo for legal advice - the latter already being an expert on “slavery."
5. Big-hitting JB Holmes to find Tennessee with one of his drives only for Mickelson to help get up and down for a half.

Long shots…

1. Azinger to challenge Faldo to a sudden-death play-off in the event of a tie.
2. Woods to turn up at the last minute clutching his knee before taking five points from five.
3. Monty to buy a ticket and mingle with the US supporters knocking back Coors.
4. Padraig Harrington’s son asking Faldo if he can put ladybirds in the Cup. Faldo replying “no” if he wins but “go for your life” if he loses.
5. With the Cup in the bag, Faldo sends out some of the WAGS for the final day singles - golf’s equivalent of showboating.

Good luck!