Things to do while scraping the mud off my shoes and socks and trousers (before going back out there again to get down and dirty with the thousands of fans sliding around in the 2009 US Open Mud Wrestling Championship.

Check out Ian Poulter’s Twitter (and that’s not a euphemism)
The shy and sensibly dressed Poulter has been posting his own thoughts on Twitter throughout the championship. So far he has 77,566 stalkers, sorry, followers. Here’s a snippet from Sunday morning: “There is no chance of a finish today, too much rain forecast and that course cannot take any more rain. Flippers and snorkels required.” And here’s what Poulter posted on Saturday night: “Room service stir fry, shower, shave, iron my clothes, vacuum the room, clean the windows, scrub the shower, sorry I’m now talking crap.....” Yeah, but it’s good crap. See for yourself at twitter.com/ianjamespoulter.

Check out the stats from Bethpage:
I once asked Jack Nicklaus for a tip to help weekend hackers improve their game. “Hit more fairways, find more greens, hole more putts,” he answered deadpan to much laughter from the throng around him. Genius.

Longest Driver at Bethpage:J B Holmes.
His four measured biffs so far have run out to 1,205 yards. That’s an average of 301.25 yards every time he steps on tee. Size of the man.

Most Fairways Hit: Francesco Molinari.
He’s found the short stuff (squishy soggy stuff) 30 out of 34 times – a success rate of 88.24%. Now if only he could find more greens, as Jack says, he would be leading instead of plodding along over par back in the pack.

Greens in Regulation: tied 1st and also the top two in the championship are Ricky Barnes and Lucas Glover.
That’s 32 out of 37 greens hit. Nice job, as they say out here. The only people rooting for them to keep up their good work are Mrs Barnes and Mrs Glover.

Fewest putts: Nick Taylor with 51 over 38 holes.
Nick Who? He’s a 21-year-old amateur form Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada and his brother Josh is  carrying his bag around the swampland that used to be Bethpage Black golf course.


Check out Arnold Palmer’s birthday bash: the King turns 80 in September.
The USGA has set up a website for fans to add to the birthday celebrations of the 1960 US Open champion. You can write what you like at usgamuseum.com/arnoldpalmer. “Everyone has an Arnold Palmer story,” it says on the website. “What’s yours?” Here’s mine. I travelled to Arnie’s home course a few years ago to play with him in at his Bay Hill course. He was standing on the 1st green waiting for me to play my wedge on over a greenside bunker. Of course, I skulled it and it set off like an Exorcet across the green and towards Palmer. It screamed past his head before careering into a bush. If the flight of my ball had been two yards to the left, I would have been writing a story with the headline: “The Day I Killed the King.”