It’s January 4 and I am proud to say that all my New Year’s Resolutions are still intact. That’s principally because I’ve not yet played golf in 2007. Anyway, in the hope that it might belatedly inspire others to greater golfing heights, here is my determined list of New Year’s Resolutions.
1) Not to shout “Get in the hole!” as my opponent’s ball heads inexorably towards a huge bunker.
2) Never to exclaim “Well out!” when that same opponent subsequently thins one out of that same bunker and into the woods on the other side of the green.
3) Never to use a 50 pence piece to mark my ball on the green in the hope that it will annoy my opponent and put him off his putting stroke.
4) Not to regard the scoring of one Stableford point on a hole as something of an achievement.
5) Not to keep looking at my watch when my opponent is searching for his ball.
6) To take my ball-marker and tee pegs out of my pocket before sitting down in the bar after the round.
7) Not to sit on the terrace and giggle at the misfortune of others as they struggle up the 18th.
8) Never to blame the green or an imagined pitchmark if I miss a putt of less than three feet.
9) Not to lie down on the tee as if asleep when waiting behind a particularly slow fourball.
10) To recognise in this day and age that women have almost as much right to be on a golf course as men.
11) While not fighting shy of controversy, not to be quite so gratuitously offensive to women.
12) Not to stroll onto the first tee, take a practice swing and then expect to split the fairway but to follow the advice of the experts and warm up properly by taking two practice swings.
13) At the age of 58 to accept that a ball knocked over an out of bounds’ fence ? particularly if that fence is topped with barbed wire ? is lost and to make no attempt to retrieve it no matter how new it was.
14) Not to three-putt under any circumstances.
15) To win at least one Major championship.
16) To be grateful to all those who take the time and trouble to read my blog.
And may you all enjoy a shank-free 2007.