To say I?ve had more swing thoughts than hot dinners is to grossly underestimate the former. Roughly speaking, I would conservatively estimate the ratio of swing thoughts to hot dinners at roughly 5:1, which goes some way to explaining why I?m struggling on the course and yet can comfortably slip into trousers with a 34-inch waist and clothes labelled ?medium?. Anyhow, I honestly believed I had tried them all; swing thoughts that is, not hot dinners where I?ve yet to sample both sheep?s eyes and frogs? legs either separately or combined.

Then, yesterday, I received an email from Guy, a regular playing partner of mine. Both of us have for years been searching for the ultimate swing thought that unlocks the door to golfing paradise where every fairway is split and virtually every green is hit in regulation. Guy?s email, modestly titled ?I?ve Got It? reveals that the key is, somewhat surprisingly, in the elbows. According to this particular 16-handicapper, these must be pointing to the ground throughout the swing. Although its novelty and originality appeal enormously, I remain sceptical. To satisfy the Swing Thought Certification Board that this is genuinely worth investigating, he will have to demonstrate a level of consistency for 18 holes that has previously eluded him. A date has been fixed and I will report back to you just as soon as all the data has been analysed. Meanwhile, I suggest you don?t hold your breath. Now there?s a swing thought I?ve not tried.