The curse of Jimmy Hoffa

There’s a theory going around at the US PGA Championship that Oakland Hills and Detroit is haunted by the Curse of Jimmy Hoffa. The infamous 1950s and 1960s labour leader, teamster and pardoned criminal was last seen alive at an Italian restaurant just across the road from the course on July 30, 1975. His body has never been found. The Hoffa curse has already struck the players who should have been here. Gone missing with sick notes at Oakland Hills are Tiger Woods (knee), Luke Donald (wrist), Jose-Maria Olazabal (back), Shigeki Maruyama (back) and, after the first round, Kenny Perry (eye). Colin Montgomerie is also is danger of never being seen again at a major after this week. The US Ryder Cup team came here in 2004 boasting the World’s No.1 and 2 golfers in Woods and Phil Mickelson. They vanished without a trace or without even putting up a decent fight. They failed to show up at the K Club in 2006, too. There is just one month left to find them before the 2008 Ryder Cup starts in Kentucky. Help is needed. Please stick up posters on lampposts in your towns and cities. “Missing: US Ryder Cup team. Please call the PGA of America. Urgently.” And whatever happened to Hapless Hal and his cowboy hat? Anyone spotted Sutton since 2004? I even heard some dude on the bus to the course today say the PGA has lost the greens at Oakland Hills. Okay, misplacing one or two is perhaps understandable. But all 18? This Hoffa thing has got me worried. Hoffa’s great contribution to the workers included “a raise of 13 cents an hour, the guarantee of at least a half a day’s pay per day, a modest insurance plan, and recognition of the union.” Memo to self: remember to bring this up at the next Golf Monthly editorial meeting.